


7 July 1984

by duva, fictionalcandie



Series: Sirius Is A Totally Helpful Advice Columnist 'verse [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, M/M, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-15
Updated: 2009-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-16 02:02:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duva/pseuds/duva, https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalcandie/pseuds/fictionalcandie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh, the things to which salad dressing can lead...</p>
            </blockquote>





	7 July 1984

"Honey, we're home," Sirius declares with a low chuckle, pushing through the front door without releasing James's hand. "At _last_ , I can get out of this sticky mess."

"I'm still wondering how you managed to get salad dressing all over yourself," James replies, grinning as he stumbles a little on the threshold. "Talent."

"I told you, it wasn't _me_ ," insists Sirius, his virtuous tone somewhat marred by the slightly amused look on his face. "That stupid waiter—"

"Mm," agrees James. "Good thing he didn't get a tip."

"After dousing me in salad just because he couldn't stop staring, he didn't deserve one," grumbles Sirius, cautiously peeling off his shirt and holding it out to stare at it in disgust.

"You wanna give the neighbours a show?" James asks somewhat bemusedly, indicating the still open front door. 

"Oh." Sirius frowns at the door for a moment, as if just realising that it hadn't been shut behind them. Then he kicks it closed, and looks pleased with himself. "There."

James grins. "You wanna take a shower?"

"Maybe just a quick one," declares Sirius, dividing a disgusted glare between his dirty shirt and his rather sticky bare chest.

"So you don't want any company?"

Sirius looks up at James, clearly torn over something. James raises an eyebrow at him.

"... no," Sirius decides after a moment, with a regretful little twist of his lips.

"Ouch."

"I want you to make me a drink, instead," Sirius explains, his mouth untwisting while the barest hint of mischief appears in his eyes.

James's other eyebrow joins the first one. "But we just had four drinks each with dinner."

"I want another," says Sirius firmly. "Please."

Still grinning, James shakes his head. "Fine. You go shower, I go mix."

"Meet you in the kitchen in a minute," agrees Sirius, and takes off up the stairs like he's afraid James is going to change his mind.

Chuckling to himself, James wanders into the kitchen. Whistling slightly, he gets out a bottle of Firewhiskey, ice, and two glasses.

Upstairs, the shower starts.

Apparently deciding the drinks need something more, James digs a lime out of the fridge. Having finished making the not-so-very-advanced drinks, he sits down on the counter, sipping his drink as he waits for Sirius.

The noise from the shower stops, followed by rather fast footsteps and a door closing a bit harder than necessary.

"That _was_ quick," James half-shouts. He's already finished half of his drink.

Sirius doesn't reply, but a moment later, he comes bounding into the kitchen in jeans that are zipped but not buttoned, his hair practically dripping, and his chest still bare.

"... nice outfit."

Sirius grins at him. "Thank you. Where's my drink?"

Grinning back, James holds out the other glass. "Firewhiskey on the rocks with a twist."

"Excellent," praises Sirius, taking the glass and situating himself leaning against the counter next to James.

James prods his thigh with one of his feet. "All de-dressing-fied?"

Taking a slow sip of his Firewhiskey, Sirius waves his empty hand at his own chest. "What, can't you tell?"

"You still look rather wet and shiny."

Sirius's fingers flick dismissively at the sheen of moisture on his stomach. "Maybe I skipped toweling off."

"Wanted that drink that bad, huh?" James laughs, reaching over to run his fingers through Sirius's soaked hair. "Wino."

His eyes drifting most of the way closed, Sirius makes a low, satisfied sound, suspiciously like a growl, and leans into the touch. "Maybe," is all he says, taking another sip.

"C'mere."

Sirius sets his drink down and moves in front of James, hips nudging his legs apart. Placing his nearly empty glass next to Sirius's, James reaches over and grabs the towel next to the sink. Grin widening, he places it on Sirius's head, rubbing rather vigorously.

"Oi," Sirius protests, rather muffled and weak. "Cut it out, love."

Letting the towel fall to the floor, James lets out a chuckle. "You look like me."

Sirius's hands pause on their way up to smooth out the mess the towel made of his hair. He glares half-heartedly at James. "Somehow, I doubt that."

"Mm. .... would it be weird for me to kiss you after that statement?"

"Most likely," replies Sirius, with a little nod. "I don't mind, though."

James laughs again, bending down until his nose is grazing Sirius's. "I think I'm a bit drunk," he whispers.

Sirius makes a noise that seems pleased, and moves forward slightly to press their lips together. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," James echoes, placing a hand on the back of Sirius's neck, kissing him more fully.

"Okay," Sirius murmurs against James's lips. After a moment, he pulls his head back. Reaching for a glass, he picks up the almost empty one and sips from it. "This is pretty good, you know."

"Mm," James agrees, his lips moving across Sirius's cheek, down to his neck. 

Sirius's throat works, though he hasn't taken another sip. "Want some more?" he questions somewhat gruffly.

James responds by wrapping his legs around Sirius, pulling himself forward on the counter until his groin comes into contact with the other man's.

Sirius lets out is breath in a rush. "Shit, James..."

"Upstairs?" James suggests.

"No." Sirius shakes his head quickly. "I'm _drinking_."

Pulling back more fully, James gives him a disbelieving stare. "But I want you," he says with a pout.

"I want you too," Sirius assures him, groaning slightly. He picks up the other, practically full glass and holds it up for James to take. "Here."

"Wha—"

Sirius insistently presses the glass into James's hand. "Drink," he instructs, taking a sip from the other glass to demonstrate.

Still looking rather puzzled, James downs about half of it in one go. The smirk this draws to Sirius's face is not wide, but it practically oozes wickedness. "Isn't it good?"

"I guess," James agrees, taking another sip. "Si..."

"Hm?" Sirius questions, around a sip from the glass still in his hand.

James thrusts his hips forward again. "Please, upstairs."

Sirius shakes his head again, but grinds his hips against James's in return. "No upstairs."

"Fucking tease," James mutters, draining the last of his drink in one go.

"I didn't say no shagging," whispers Sirius, leaning to brush James's ear with his lips.

James lets his head fall backwards, exposing his throat. "Then what?"

For a moment, Sirius doesn't answer, occupied with dragging his mouth down James's neck.

"Shit, Si, you're really not helping the s'tuation."

"Yes, I am," Sirius murmurs against James's skin, his hips rocking forward slightly.

"No, I'm — bloody hell, can't you tell how hard I am?" James says, ending on a moan. 

"Yes, I can." Sirius sets the glass of Firewhiskey on the counter, as far away as he can reach, and puts his hands on James's hips, pulling them closer to is own. "Can't you tell how hard _I_ am?"

"Shit," James hisses, "Then let me —"

"Not upstairs," Sirius insists.

"Why the fuck not?!"

"Because." Sirius moves his mouth back to James's ear, his voice low and husky as he growls, "I want you to fuck me here."

James moans in reply. "Here?"

"Yes," breaths Sirius, his teeth grazing James's earlobe, "here, in your kitchen."

"I — but —"

"I want you to bend me over the table," Sirius goes on, his fingers tightening and the sharp little thrusts of his hips growing more forceful "... and fuck my brains out."

" _Shit._ "

Sirius's voice drops further. "Will you?"

James's respsone is to bury both hands in Sirius's hair, yanking until their lips collide. Sirius moans into his mouth, arching eagerly into the kiss.

Somehow managing to slide off the counter without breaking the kiss, James runs one hand down Sirius's bare back, stopping at the waistline of his jeans.

Sirius's hands move from James's hips to his arse, pulling him closer.

Stumbling a little, James lets his lips slide across Sirius's cheek again. "You turn me on so fucking much," he groans into the other man's ear. " _Shit_ , Si."

"Fuck me, then," replies Sirius, moaning again as their erections rub together through their trousers.

Hissing, James places both hands on Sirius's hips, forcing him to turn around.

As soon as his back is turned, Sirius presses his arse against James's crotch with another, throatier moan. " _Shit._ "

"That what you want?" James asks, pushing his hips forward even more.

"Yes. Fuck, please, yes."

"Did you bring the lube?" James asks, somewhat breathlessly, as his left hand strays from Sirius's hip, running along the length of his erection before tugging the zipper down.

"Uh, fuck," croaks Sirius, tilting his head back and pushing his hips forward. "Forgot it."

"Accio it," orders James, as he shoves his hand inside Sirius's now open jeans. "Forgot pants, too?"

Sirius shakes his head weakly. "No, meant to leave those off. Haven't got my wand, either."

Groaning, James grabs his own wand and shoves it into Sirius's hand. Sirius waves it, shakily muttering the spell.

After a few, quick strokes, James abandons Sirius's cock in order to tug his jeans down.

"Incoming," warns Sirius, stepping out of his jeans and away from James's arms.

"I've got it," James mumbles against the back of Sirius's neck, pushing his hips up against Sirius's now bare arse.

"Stupid Chaser," complains Sirius, rocking so his arse rubs up and down James's trouser-covered cock. "Damn."

"Stop complaining," James says, biting down gently on his neck. "This was your idea."

"Not complaining," Sirius gasps, shuddering against James.

"Good," James mumbles. "Shit, let me —" He tugs off his shirt, dropping it carelessly onto the floor, and pressing his now bare front against Sirius's back.

Sirius growls softly, relishing the sensation, and grabs James's arms to tug him toward the table.

James drops the bottle of lube he's holding.

"Going to need that," growls Sirius, not stopping.

James mutters something, crouching down to get it.

Almost to the table, Sirius pauses, twisting his torso to watch as James frees his arms and sinks down. He groans slightly at the sight of the other man's face level with his hips.

Fumbling only very slightly, James's gets a hold of the bottle again. "Got it," he says, looking up to meet Sirius's gaze.

A noise from the back of Sirius's throat is his only response.

James pauses for a second, before leaning in and pressing a kiss to the back of Sirius's thigh.

Sirius's eyes darken and he licks his lips, shifting uneasily and quickly turning back toward the table. "Come on, James," he groans unsteadily.

Shifting slightly, James drags his lip slightly upwards, placing another kiss just beneath the crease between thigh and buttock. His free hand slides up Sirius's leg, stopping at his hip.

" _James_ ," Sirius repeats, his voice deeper, as he shifts again, spreading his legs a little.

James's only reply is to nip gently at the spot he just kissed.

Sirius's breath stutters. "What..."

"Shut up," James mutters, trailing his lips upwards and inwards.

Sirius's muscles jump where James's mouth touches, and he makes the same strangled, throaty noise as before. Hesitating for half a moment, James's hand moves to where his lips just touched. Letting out a somewhat shaky breath, he presses one final kiss to Sirius's buttock, before shifting slighly and running the flat of his tongue over Sirius's entrance.

"... _fuck_ ," hisses Sirius, long and low, stretching forward and gripping the edge of the table.

Moaning in reply, James does it again.

With a string of rather incoherent noises, Sirius leans most of his weight on his arms, pressing his arse back toward James almost unintentionally. His voice strained, he groans, "Oh, _shit_ , James."

"D'you like that?" James growls, before repeating the motion again, adding a little more pressure this time.

Sirius's affirmative response is barely distinguishable as such. He pushes backwards with his hips again.

Not stopping, James manages to get the lid of the bottle still clutched in his left hand opened.

"Merlin," gasps Sirius, sounding more drunk with lust than alcohol, "you're— I can't believe— ah, fuck!"

Slicking his fingers, James presses his tongue against Sirius one more time, before shifting slightly to the side.

"Don't sto—"

James pushes a finger inside.

"—p, oh, oh, fuck, _more_."

James chuckles, placing an open-mouth kiss on Sirius's buttock again. "More of what?"

"I— just— oh—" Sirius shakes his head, letting out a dazed, needy moan. "Just _more_!"

"Like this?" asks James, curling his finger slightly. "Or like this?", as he slips it out, brushing his tongue over the other man's entrance instead.

" _More_ ," Sirius repeats desperately. " _James_."

"Shit," James mutters, sliding two fingers in this time. His other hand moves around to Sirius's front, wrapping around his cock. "You're so fucking hot."

Sirius growls, his cock leaping at the touch. "Stop. Fucking. _Teasing_ ," he demands.

"'M not teasing."

The way Sirius growls again seems to suggest he doesn't believe him.

James curls his fingers again. Sirius's inner muscles tighten and his cock twitches in James's hand again.

"Sirius," James breathes, the hand wrapped around Sirius's cock pumping slowly.

Sirius grunts questioningly, rocking forward with short thrusts that never take his hips far from James, kneeling behind him.

"Tell me you want me."

Sirius moans. "Fuck, you _know_ —"

"Tell me," James demands.

Sirius's words die. His hips jerk a few more times.

"Please, Sirius."

"Oh, God. _I want you_."

With a noise that's nearly a growl, James releases Sirius's cock and pushes to his feet.

Groaning at the loss, Sirius instead presses his hips back against James's other hand, fingers still curled inside him, and pleads, "James."

"Yeah," James groans, attempting to get his trousers open with one hand. "I'm trying."

" _James_ ," Sirius repeats more insistently, pressing back harder.

Finally managing to undo the button and zipper, James shoves his trousers and boxers down just enough. He withdraws his hand. Sirius reacts by whimpering quietly, and spreading his legs further.

Groaning rather loudly, James finally steps up closer to him, his right hand finding Sirius's cock again as he pushes inside. Sirius whimpers again, more loudly, the sound mixed with a deep growl this time. His arms, propping him against the table, quiver slightly.

"Shit, you feel good," James grunts as he finds a rhythm.

"You... feel better," gasps Sirius.

"Don't say that or I won't —"

"Won't what?" Sirius asks tremblingly, leaning more on the table, his head dropping forward and his eyes closing.

"Won't last more than five minutes," James manages, speeding up a little.

Sirius laughs huskily, shaking his head slightly, his eyes still closed. "I don't think I'll mind," he admits, his muscles tightening briefly around James.

"Fuck, Si, don't!"

Sirius groans and his muscles immediately clench again.

"I'll —" James says, breaking off with a moan.

"Please," moans Sirius, making a conscious effort not to tighten around James's cock again. "Harder."

With another groan, James complies.

Sirius writhes a little under him, thrusting slightly forward into James's hand in counterpoint to the movement of his cock inside him.

"Si, I'm gonna —"

Unable to resist, Sirius deliberately clenches around James's cock, pulling it deeper and holding it tighter.

James cries out, giving one final thrust before exploding.

"Finally," mutters Sirius, his tone something between smug and disappointed.

"Shit," James mutters, after a few seconds of recovery. "Shit, Si, I'm sorry —"

"Stop," Sirius growls, shaking his head again as he opens his eyes. "That was _hot_."

"Turn around," James says, pulling out.

Sirius turns, hissing a little as he rests his arse against the edge of the table.

James drops to his knees again.

Sirius's eyes widen. "Oh, _fucking son of a bitch_ —" he pants, his hands going immediately to grip James's hair.

Barely pausing once he's settled on his knees, James wraps his lips around Sirius's cock.

The already leaking length pulses hotly once, and Sirius shudders, his hands urging James's head closer. James moans, looking up at Sirius, over the rims of his glasses.

"Shit," Sirius moans, his fingers winding further into the messy black locks.

James's left hand moves over Sirius's hip, stopping when it encounters the table top.

"This is the fucking hottest thing ever," Sirius manages between pants and little jerks of his hips to send his cock deeper into James's mouth.

Moaning in response, James attempts to wedge his hand between the table and Sirius's arse.

Sirius tenses. "Shit, do that again."

James complies, moaning louder this time. He's still attempting to get Sirius's hips away from the table.

Sirius moans too, tugging harder at James's hair, lifting his hips. "Fuck, you do that again and I'm going to come."

Finally successful in his efforts, James slides a finger back inside of Sirius as he moans once more, still looking up at him.

With a loud growl, Sirius's hips press forward once, sharply, and his muscles spasm as he comes. His eyes haven't left James's face.

Jaw working as he swallows, James keeps his gaze steady.

"Fuuu _uck_..." growls Sirius, eyes rolling back in his head as he throws it back, breaking the locked gaze.

His hands falling to his side, James leans back, letting Sirius slip from his mouth. "Didn't even make a mess," he mumbles to himself.

Sirius has his eyes closed and his hands still gripping James's hair tightly. Panting a bit, he doesn't look capable of speech.

"... Si?"

"... y'really did fuck m'brains out," Sirius mumbles, after a moment.

James grins in a rather obnoxiously cocky way. "D'you mind letting go of my hair?"

Sighing reluctantly, Sirius loosens his hold. "Bloody _fuck_ , love."

"Hm?"

"Nothing, just... that was _great_ ," Sirius declares, removing his hands from James's hair entirely.

Snorting, James pushes to his feet.

" _Seriously_."

"I haven't come that fast since I was 18," James argues, swaying a little as he stands up fully.

"I would be flattered," says Sirius, wrapping his arms around James and resting his forehead on the other man's shoulder, without opening his eyes, "except you have _destroyed_ my brain."

"Sorry," James says, not sounding very sorry at all.

Sirius scoffs. "You aren't and you know it."

James chuckles.

Sirius grins against his shoulder. "Kitchen sex is _nice_."

"Just so you know, we're scrubbing this place with bleach tomorrow."

"... not magic?"

"Maybe both." James nuzzles his neck. "Si?"

"Mm?"

"We don't have to _sleep_ in the kitchen, do we?"

Shaking his head, Sirius snickers. "Think y'can make it up the stairs?"

"Can _you_?" James asks, leaning back to peer at him.

"You're the drunk one."

"You're the molested one."

"I _know_ ," sighs Sirius, sounding absurdly satisfied.

Grinning again, James grabs his hands. "C'mon."

Grinning too, Sirius opens his eyes and lifts his head. "What, again?" he asks as he straightens.

"I'm _tired_ ," James says, shaking his head. "I'm old now, y'know."

"All evidence to the contrary aside, I suppose," retorts Sirius, starting to tug James from the room.

"Oi!" James protests, nearly toppling over.

Sirius pauses. "Oh, right, drunk."

"No." James shakes his head, indicating his ankles.

"Oh, _right_ ," repeats Sirius, and he looks like he's trying not to laugh. "Should I, er, help?"

Hopping slightly on the spot, James attempts to get his jeans and underwear past the shoes he's still wearing. "'ve got it."

Sirius's lips are twitching. "I can tell."

"Y'know what, I'll just hop."

Sirius shakes his head, crouching to help James out of his shoes. "Let me, love."

"Si," James protests.

"Lift your foot."

Somewhat reluctantly, James complies.

Sirius slips the shoe off and swiftly pulls James's jeans and boxers down over his foot. "There," he says, glancing up with a smile. "Other one."

"This is enough," James tries.

"James, lift your other foot."

"Si, I can totally walk like this."

Sirius glances up at James's face again. He looks a little exasperated. "I got you drunk on purpose," he says flatly. "Least I can do is help you out of your clothes so you don't trip and kill yourself."

"Fine," James mumbles, finally lifting his other foot. "And you what?"

"Got you drunk," Sirius says again, repeating the process of removing shoe and clothes.

"To take advantage of me?"

"Yeah." Grinning unrepentantly, Sirius stands back up.

James grins back at him. "You're dreadful, you know that?"

"Unashamedly." Sirius reaches for James's hands again. "It got me kitchen sex, didn't it?"

"Stop talking crazy and take me to bed."

"Whatever you say, love," Sirius replies, and pulls him out of the room.

**Author's Note:**

> This work can also be read [here on LiveJournal](http://garderob.livejournal.com/19769.html).


End file.
